Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Iowa State Fair Game...All can play!!!

Last weekend the hun and I went to the Iowa State Fair. It's hard to describe to a non-I.S.F. participant why this fair is SO awesome. Let me talk numbers: 100,000 each day of the fair, totaling 1 million fair goers each year. It's that HUGE. Most of the attendees are Iowans, which is to be expected.
Disclaimer: Though it will soon seem other wise, I love Iowa and Iowans. I married one, and all the in-laws are still there, and I love them too.
So all these Iowans mixed with a few of us "normal folk". You got the Papa Iowan, whos got his mullet washed, his best bibs on and itchin' to go see the latest and greatest in tractors and combines while hoping he gets recognized from his cameo on COPS. Then there is Mama Iowan, with her 90s inspried curly fro, sporting her Mom pants, praying that her dried flower arrangement will take home the blue ribbon. Then you got the Iowa tykes...all 4H kids, each a result of a conjugal visit. It makes for some great people watching. So a few years back we were at the fair (myself, Hun, his brother and sister-in-law) enjoying our chow-on-a-stick, watching the people go by and pointing out (respectfully) the freaks (read:Hicks, Rednecks, Hoosiers, Bumpkins, Hillbillies, Rural Folk) . When a game developed...The Iowa State Fair Game. The best thing about it, everyone can play! You Don't even have to be at the I.S.F., or any fair, or even in Iowa (though that does help, you'll see why...)
It's easy to play. you may have already played and not even known it.

The rules are simple; play close attention to the crowd, be the first to spot any of the "Point items" on a person, point it out (verbally, unless the people is far enough away, obviously). Also unique items, not listed as "Point items" can get you points. For these you point them out and your fellow Iowa State Fair Game players, or Judges, will decide on how many points that item is worth. Keep a close eye out for Multipliers, these items will double your findings on any one person!!!

Point items:
Nascar Shirt
Nascar hat
Nascar anything!
Cowboy hat
cigarette not in mouth/hand (on arm, in hat, etc.)
hole in shirt
stain on shirt
animal poo on a shirt (or something that might be poo)

Big Belt Buckle
Dried Meat (like Slim Jims)

Example: Man with a glorious Mullet and a huge sweet Nascar belt buckle...
Mullet (+1) Nascar item (+1) Belt Buckle (x2)
1+1x2= 4 points

Again, if you see something wonderful you are to point it out to the others playing the game, who will decide upon a fair amount of points to be alloted to that item/travesty of fashion.
An example of this is pictured: SHIRTLESS man, with cowboy hat. His lovely lady riding with him on the "skylift" is sporting a "respect your mother tee". How respectful is it to go out in public (100,000 people a day, this ain't some family reunion) with someone without your shirt on? Really? So this is one couple that I would point out (or in this case photo) and let the others playing the game decide how many points it's worth.

How many would you give it?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Come-backs gone wild

The hun and I were float trip virgins, until this weekend when we popped our cherries. It was not enjoyable for us. It's not our thing, not in August, not ever. We're campers, we camp the crap outta fall. It's August, it's hot, we're not August campers, and apparently not float trip material. So after a night of soooo little sleep after which we tried to nap in the car before going to the float portion of the float trip. Any day that involves sleeping in your car is not such a good day, period. Fast forward, we're going along in our canoes...we're about 40 min along our supposed 6 hour, 6 mile float trip. The hun and I are among the faster of the floaters, you see we USE those paddles to propel ourselves forward unto the water. It's more of a paddle trip for us, than a float trip. So we get far enough ahead that we can't see most of the group, so we pull off to the side with 2 other couples in our group that use paddles. So we wait there, did I mention that we only know one couple of the 40 people in our group? So yeah, they're not paddlers apparently 'cause they're nowhere in sight. So an hour passes and still haven't seen any members of our group, so we elect a fellow paddler to swim against the current to check on the situation. He returns with the news that the rest of the group has pulled out of water up stream and will come our way shortly. +20 minutes, still no sight of anyone. Pissed. I need at very least a change of scenery, and some shade. Did I mention it's 90 degrees and we're in direct sun? So the paddlers trek on, with intentions of going a little way and pulling over to continue to wait for the others. Hun and I lead the way, until we realize we out-paddle the fellow paddlers. Crap. So we wait, and wait. Then give up and go it our own. So there is the set up, floating virgins, on our own, having not such a fun time. When this happens...

We come upon a bank, where a group of guys has pulled off on the river bank. One particularly cocky loud mouth yells to us: "Everyone's been flashing us when they pass that tree" pointing to a tree just ahead of us.
I turn around to my hun and tell him loud enough so they may hear; "Hear that? They want to see YOUR junk when we pass that tree!"
To that the loud mouth responds; "I don't want to see his, I've got what he's got."

Now I must remind you that he's with his buddies, and we've established that he's the cocky, loud mouthed one. Every group of men has that one guy, and this guy is their's...on with it then...

So he's just said; "I've got what he's got."
"Oh no, [short pause] you don't"

It's the best part of the whole trip, his group instantly uproars in laughter. Hours and hours of mocking start at that moment. He was humiliated by a GIRL, who insulted his JUNK. He was left speechless as we canoed out of sight.

The six mile trip down the river lasted 3 hours for us, we packed up our tent and took off before any others returned. We're so not floaters, or August campers...but what a memorable time, I'm sure his buddies aren't likely to let him forget it.